


Purple pencil

by Mischiefy



Series: Who dares to love forever? [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alec Lightwood-centric, Immortality, Introspection, Light Angst, M/M, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 14:31:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18317165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mischiefy/pseuds/Mischiefy
Summary: The scene is always the same- maybe the pencil won’t be purple, maybe it will be golden, blue-, it’s the people who look as Magnus works that will change.Now it’s him- maybe next time it’ll be a vampire, then a mundane and so on ad infinitum.It makes him feel incredibly ephemeral.





	Purple pencil

Alec is supposed to be working- he knows he is, because the pile of paperwork sitting mockingly in front of him is still frighteningly high.

However, he can’t force himself to look away from Magnus.

The warlock is working, too- he’s sitting at his mahogany desk, an adorable little frown of concentration between his perfectly plucked eyebrows as his eyes scan attentively the words on the document.

He’s mindlessly twirling a very purple pencil between his long, agile fingers.

He’s beautiful, he’s perfect, he’s eternal.

Sometimes – at the most random moments, mind you- the ageless beauty of his lover and all it entails hits Alec.

It’s in moments like this one- when Magnus does something he’s been doing for centuries, long before Alec’s birth, and that he’ll keep doing also long after his death- that immortality rears its ugly head.

Because Alec can easily picture Magnus doing this, the very same way he’s doing it at the moment, centuries away from now.

The scene is always the same- maybe the pencil won’t be purple, maybe it will be golden, blue-, it’s the people who look as Magnus works that will change.

Now it’s him- maybe next time it’ll be a vampire, then a mundane and so on ad infinitum.

It makes him feel incredibly ephemeral.

Every time Magnus tells him he’ll love him forever, he can’t help but feel a bit insulted, for who dares to love forever? Who’d ever be able to?

Alec doesn’t want Magnus to love him forever –alright, maybe he wants it, because the idea of Magnus loving someone else just as much or more than he’s loved Alec himself is physically painful, but it wouldn’t make Magnus happy.

And Magnus has to be happy.

Isn’t it the whole point?

Magnus is too sparkly, too important, too necessary to the world for him to simply die.

He is supposed to shine and dance and whirl through the centuries, perfect and ageless.

The idea of a world without Magnus is simply unthinkable.

So Alec appreciates- he really does- the fact that Magnus is willing to lie to himself for him, he loves that the warlock loves him so much he’s sure he’ll never be able to love someone else again, but it always makes him feel a little less special, a little less real.

Because Magnus seems to be denying the obvious, and this way he just builds Alec’s hopes up over and over again before the reality of their situation trashes them to the ground.

It’s in moments like this one that he tries to come to terms with all of that, while looking at Magnus going about his own forever.

“Alexander? You are staring, love”

Alec blinks and his eyes focus back on Magnus.

The warlock is looking at him slightly worried, purple pencil laying now still on the desk.

Alec shrugs and smiles at his lover- his smile, he knows, is a bit tight, but he can’t help it.

“I love you” he blurts out.

Magnus seems to be taken aback by his words but smiles nevertheless “I love you, too, darling, you know that” he answers, gently.

_Who waits forever, anyway?_

**Author's Note:**

> There's very little plot, here, I know, but I hope you liked it nevertheless.  
> I'm still writing the last piece for this series, by the way, but it's turning out to be a very complex task.  
> I'm trying, I swear :)


End file.
